Lucky number 13. 1 week, 6 days. With so much to do and so little time to do it, I thought it’d be a great day to hop on the Struggle Bus and ride around for a few hours. Or all day. Or, ya know, buy a 2-day pass.
Yesterday we were without power due to some scheduled outage for maintenance. The notice indicated it’d be back on by noon. Hahahahahahahahaha *deep breath* hahahahahahaha. Yah. Right. And I’ve got some ocean-front property in Arizona.
Rules for Power Outages
- The night before, fail to remember the power will be off. Don’t charge your cell phone and definitely don’t make alternative food arrangements.
- Because you didn’t make alternative food arrangements, open the fridge, but instead of thinking through everything you need so you only have to open it twice (once to retrieve, once to replace), go ahead and open it 3 or 4 more times. Fermented food is good for you!
- Lastly, remember that while your house runs on gas, the ignition switches are electric, so nearly take your eyebrows, arm hair, and fingerprints off in a blaze of glory when you try to light the gas with a match. (Try being the operative word here. Note: It won’t actually work, so don’t even try it.)
This morning, after my alarm didn’t go off and I slept an hour later than anticipated, I looked Monday straight in the face and said, “Hey, homie. Let’s do this.” *high five* Just as I went to give Monday the highest of fives, it jerked its hand away and I swatted at nothing but air.
Making breakfast, I had 1 egg left. Except the egg had a crack in the bottom and was stuck to the carton, so when I tried to remove it, the shell broke and I had egg all over my hands. No egg for me. Monday laughed at me and then collaborated with Siri.
“Siri, I need directions to the nearest post office.” Siri sent me to a place that was never a post office. “Siri, this isn’t a post office. Where is the nearest post office?” 1.9 miles away? I can do that… Yah, also not a post office. “Siri, isn’t there a Lowe’s around here?” At least she got that one right.
Dry cleaners: check
Lowe’s: check
Post office: check (finally)
Gym: I know how to get there! Huzzah!
Answer: 2 hours.
What is the amount of time it took for me to run 3 errands, Alex?
Apparently in the last few years, riding a bicycle has gotten really hard. When I showed up for spin class, I was told I’ve been riding a bike all wrong. After my instructor adjusted, pulled, tweaked, and duck taped me into (onto?) the bike, I was ready to go. And an hour later, I was ready to get off that crazy contraption. So worth it…
After 60 excruciating minutes of pedaling, totally robbing me of all the happy memories I had of innocently riding my bike in the driveway as a child, all I wanted was a sandwich. There was a Subway nearby, but I don’t want shoe rubber chemicals in my bread, thank you very much, so I asked that bitc sometimes-helpful tool Siri to direct me to the nearest Which Wich. 11 minutes? Not bad. I hope this place exists…
37 profanity-streaked minutes later…
The things I’ll do for food. Oh, and wouldn’t you know I made 3 wrong turns, hit traffic, had my gas light turn on, and found my phone only had 1% battery on the way home. Now that I’m home, 6 hours later, safely tucked into my house, I don’t want to leave. Ever again. Unless someone else is driving.
Becoming Mrs. McCully 